Surprise of the day

A gift from an officemate… discount card from “you-know-where”… (take a closer look at the card I’m holding)

Benefits? The card entitles the bearer to a 20% discount on regular room rates and 10% discount on food and beverages. For 12 and 24 hours stay, entitles the bearer to a 5% discount on regular room rates and 10% discount on food and beverages. Valid in all “you-know-where” branches.

I’m single so is the gift a prank or just a thoughtful act? Who cares? Glad to have one…

*By the way, the card is fully transferrable… in case, you want to borrow, just give me the “bat call”.

I saw the sign

“@johnonline is telling himself ‘panindigan mo yung signs na hiningi mo’. Stop kung stop…” – Facebook Status

Yeah I know this sounds crazy and stupid. But my confusion over pursuing a girl has led me to consult the so called ‘signs’.

You see, every time I would see her in the office, I feel something in me stir. But in my solitude, I doubt if what I’m feeling is true. Though the girl is pretty and likeable, my attraction towards her is not as great as it was with Kuhkuh. Yeah, she’s been my gauge and will be as long as I’m with the firm. But nonetheless, I test the waters. It was warm and inviting at times but the recent dinner with her and with my friends proves that ones ‘closeness “within technological borders” does not necessarily translate to a real life connection. And while some people wait for their daydreaming to expire, I took the initiative to break my own fantasy. Like what my previous blog mentioned, it was a burst of bubble. And though some friends are excited about it (some are even kinikilig), I wasn’t sure if it is going to prosper. Things for me are complicated. And so she is.

So, in times when factors and hunches are in conflict, we asked God for guidance. And so I did. I prayed last Saturday for a sign. Some people ask for vague ones. They let God decide on how to manifest it. Some wants it in particular. I choose the latter. I whispered to God my dilemma and how can He help me deal with it.

So what’s the sign?

Post no. 2033

You know what hurts the most?

The fact that I can’t say I lost you…

… because apparently I never had you.

Photo credits:
Credits to Marketamedkova

Another Farewell

Of all the things I regret doing during my stay in the office, I specifically hate myself for liking/loving someone whom I can have as a good friend (as if I’m in control with my emotion). The girl is so cool, totally sweet, infectiously funny and has an outrageous appetite. (Well, I’ve seen her eat full heavy meals three times and I wasn’t expecting someone as pretty as her can digest the same amount of food I can take in.)  Too bad I wasn’t contented just being one of the guys. When all that she wanted is a friend, I was expecting for more. And things get more awkward between us when steps were taken and boundaries were crossed. Oh I blame myself for not weighing my options too well. Then came a time when I feel uncomfortable seeing her around or I become to conscious of everything about her. But that was like almost a year ago. I’m so over with that feeling now. Maybe I was just overwhelmed by her. And though, we haven’t got the chance to personally talk like normal friends do, I don’t feel awkward anymore.

But when things started to be okay, I just find out that it was too late for another chance of being a friend.

If I could sum up what happened at last night’s dinner…

It would be… a burst of bubble.

Confirmed! My intuition told me it’s going nowhere. I know it’s too early to say such but my intuition has never failed me. I might be wasting time, effort and money if I continue.

Haaaay, the “stop” sign blinked so early… True, that while some good things never last… some don’t even start. =’(

P.S.
I thought I am immature. Damn, she’s worst. She’s like a baby! Now, if you can just ignore the previous posts I have here…please do so.

P.S.2
Picture credits >>> Quazen.com

This one’s for you…

Dear “you-know-who-you-are”,

It’s been a week since I last texted you and it has been two weeks since your last. Though a month of same routine does not make (constitute) a habit, I miss sending you messages for no reasons at all and the same, reading yours. But like what I’ve said, it’s been two weeks since I last heard from you and it seems like you got tired flexing those thumb muscles to reply back or you just run out of things to say to me. I know we have agreed to take our “communication” in a personal level, but I still don’t find it easy for us to be close “outside technology borders”. What I mean, you’re always out of the office or when you’re around, you seem so busy or a lot of people surround you that I cannot grab an opportunity to say ‘hi’ or just smile. So I end up relying on my mobile phone (but recently it’s been futile). But hey, don’t think I’m obliging you to respond. It’s just that I miss reading messages from you.

I was contented seeing you from afar but lately, aside from you being busy, I notice you enjoying the company of xxxx. Though you’ve explained to me that one before, I can’t help myself but to get jealous. He might be just a friend to you but he may think/feel otherwise. Yeah, as if I have the right to oppose. Just don’t mind my stupidity, will you?

Anyway, sorry for avoiding you too lately. The other day, when I saw you come my way, I feel like starting a conversation with you. But seeing xxxx standing near waiting for you, I decided to ignore you. I don’t know why, maybe I’m just affected seeing you with him. But I think you shouldn’t know that one. Can I just give you an excuse that I’ve been busy with my clients and with my gym sessions? Yeah, I can’t seem to juggle my time properly- work, leisure and friendship. Most of the time, I miss the opportunity seeing you back in the office. But I can’t quit my workout this early. I’m doing this for myself, to improve physically and to collect the courage to know you better. I just pray it wouldn’t take me that long to pull in all my guts to pursue you and that you wouldn’t get tired of me. (Am I too assuming? Go ahead and slap me. I’d gladly welcome it. It’s like I’ve been mesmerized by you and that I can no longer distinguish real from fantasy. Yep, that’s you’re effect on me. In case I’m mistaken, please stop being sweet, at least on me.)

I think that’s all for now. Hopefully, you’ll accept my invitation. I’m so willing to help you overcome your fear. Just let me.

Wishfully thinking,

John

Have you?

Have you ever felt undeserving of someone else’s attention or love just because she looks better than you are? Well, that’s how I exactly feel towards someone. I know and I feel that I like her and somehow, I’m seeing a pinch of hope with her… like a 10% chances (for me, that’s huge already!). People around me are saying the same. Reading between the lines of her past text messages, I’m hinting something else too. *blushing*

But I tend to play pessimistic here. She could be just being polite. Or just returning the favor. Or it could be that she’s just naturally sweet and accommodating. Damn, looking at her makes me feel small (even though I’m 5’10 and she’s like 5’2 or something). She’s too gorgeous for me, and to know what she’s doing/saying things that somehow favors my intention, it’s like I’m unworthy of such. She’s too pretty and so smart that she can get any guys any time if she wishes to. It felt like I will be unfair to her, in case she ends up with me (not tying the knot, just go dating). This, among others, is the reason why I’m holding back. I wanted to pursue her. I do. But the ego thing on me doubts. I mean she’s a great catch, if ever. But for her side or her friends/family, they may say that she could’ve been mistaken. Jjust so you know, she has poor eye sight. What a luck for me then!

Am I being too critical of myself? Am I worrying too much of the future? Am I being coward for not taking the risk? Or I am not that “into her” that’s why I’m reasoning out?

Random Tumblings

I am so damn frustrated, that’s why I’m blogging

It was like a day ago when I shared about me going to the gym. I sounded so excited about it then. But it was lessened due to some circumstances.

I was never a demanding customer. I never ask for more than what is necessary. I can even live with less of my expectations. But there comes a point when your daily supply of patience runs up and the situation tries you up. That’s what exactly happened to me just two hours ago.

Today is a Friday, and according to the schedule prepared by the personal trainer, I have an hour of session with him at around 7pm. Being a “gym day” today, aside from laptop knapsack, I brought with my duffle bag that carries my gym paraphernalia- rubber shoes, two shirts, extra boxer brief, shorts, tumbler, two towels, flip flops and a tumbler. It’s never a burden ‘coz I know it’ll benefit me somehow. But it was another load for me today ‘coz all the way from Cavite, I have to go to Quezon City to visit a client (more than 20kms travel). Again, it’s nothing for me.

The P40,000 body in the making

One thing I realized, the relationship between my activities online and my business on real world is inversely proportional. The more posts I have in my blogs for a particular month, the lesser interactions I have with live flesh. A proof to that is my recent hiatus from blogging. It’s been three weeks since I’ve last posted something here. It’s not because there’s nothing much to say, but it’s more of lack of time to do so.

But how about today? I’m in the client as of press time but it seems like I got bored so I’m taking some time off to write something here.

So what’s new with me? Well, I just signed up for gym sessions with Fitness First. It is part of my goals this 2010 – to grow some muscles and shape up (and get healthy too). If you can just see me right now, the one thing you’ll notice about my body is that it’s not proportion. My extremities – arms and legs, are thin compared to the rest of my body. That’s why I enrolled for gym. I’m so determined about shaping up that I even hire a personal trainer to prepare the program for my muscle development. He assists me while I’m doing some weights (spotting). This is the first time I went to a gym so I really need someone who’ll introduce me to the machines. I feel stupid looking at the machines and wonder how they work. And since I’m also new in the club, he’s the only one who I talk to. (Damn, some people in there are poseurs and show-off.)  All these, however, comes at a hefty price.

One time payment of membership and club dues amounts to P9,000+ but since I’ve availed the promo, it went down to P4,300. My monthly fee is P2,650 while the cost for the personal trainer is P9,000 for 10 sessions. Will it be worthy? I think so. Knowing that I’ve spent a fortune for this would really make me go to the gym. Well, aside from stepping on the treadmill and lifting some dumbbells, there’s a lot to do with one’s membership. The coffee, water and cola are overflowing there. They have a WI-FI area inside. You can attend their dance lesson and yoga. You can also watch movie while doing the stationary bike. You can take a shower or go to their sauna. I can also bring a non-member with me for free as long it’s his or her first time in Fitness First. You also one free session with their nutritionist and a free shoulder massage. Did I forget anything?

So, all in all, P42,450 of commitment for the new body I’m aiming to have.

Anyway, I have a session tonight with my PT, and another one on Friday and Sunday. In case you want to try it out, just tell me. I’d gladly invite you to try it out for free! (I’ll be your spotter too.)

P.S.
If there’s something I hate about going to the gym aside from the socialite people in there, probably it’s the time I have to spend in the gym and in the office. There’s someone I like from the office. She’s a girl who I miss staring at and talking to. Hurrying to the gym lessens my stay in the office after the normal hoursTexting is not effective anymore (she isn’t replying that often unlike before). . I can’t even bring her home (some guy friend’s of hers is doing that). Why is it so? We work in Makati. My PT session is in Mall of Asia. She lives in Manila (Nagtahan). I go home in Cavite. Office hour is 8 to 5 (most of the time it is extended). Session with PT is at 7 or 8 and it takes an hour or two. Travel time not included. Now, in that scenario, how can I make my “diskarte”? Before 2009 ended, it felt like I’m inching my way to her. But now, I feel like she’s slipping away (details to be posted soon, hopefully).

Can I not have the best of both worlds?

*sigh

Anyway, welcome me back to blogging…